Recordings

In anticipation of a phone call
I heard holding through my heart...
Expecting to see his face on screen
But a jolt to see a name.
Hello?
Napipikon ako...
Sila na ba...?
Sinungaling siya
Random accusationg poured
Flabbergasted and outright confused
I blurted incoherent speech
Pushing record
to the mumblings of an insane person.
Who seems ready to kill.
Now my phone has no memory.
Because of four and a half minutes of ramblings
That was an iteration
of the second i picked up the phone.

/** Ngayon pa ako naubusan ng yosi diba...sus **/

desolation during lunch break.

I write on a paper napkin in desolation
Inhaling my luckies
Sipping Basic Black
Seated next to my favorite place
Where the seats are drenched
From puddles of rain
Carelessly flicking the ashes
Texting ocassional messages
Wondering how life became this fucked.
How life didn't use to suck.

/** le sigh **/

Untitled.

Blissful
Disturbing
Comtemplations
Worried
Hopeful
Paranoia
Sinking
Desperate
Feelings
Wanted
Needed
Love
Hidden
Spilling
Desire
Forbidden
Unforgotten
Beauty
I live for you...
Sly, Sexy, Bastard

/** thoughts of you... **/

my little comfort

You fill in the gaps
of this insane life
As I live for the present
but the memories of the past
haunts me.
As you catch a gaze of the falling tears
and look into the mask that hides
the eyes of sadness.
You let me feel a strange comfort
as if you understood my pain.
When you untied the knots
and make me smile
in the smallest of ways.

/** you make things easier...you make me forget the lingering pain even for the shortest of time **/

Confessions of Love

Because the moment
I saw you,
I knew.
You are my everything
I cannot imagine life without you
Because you are my life
But I'm not afraid to die...
As I have felt the means
To be truly alive.
The most beautiful life I spent
On the days where you are there.
I love you

/** watashi no kokoro wa anata no desu...forever and always **/

aftermath of java 1.5 features

monitor
blurs and darkens
as the eyes closed
in falling tears
Drips
in a wretched,
painful
cascade,
of unwanted,
yet longed for
moments and memories...
~Reminiscent.

/**curse you networking lingo that made foo a standard variable **/

caramel frapuccino memories

A pile of whipped cream
drizzled with generous syrup
Lovely, lovely lines of caramel
drowns in a pool of caffeine
Over hastily smoking lips
Alternating between sips and puffs
Until the delicious blend of both worlds rolled around sweet in the system.
It used to be your lips that touch that familiar green straw
Used to be what you hold...
over that long talk by the playground.
Now I continue over the tradition.
In a time of day.
Where the afternoon sun seeps into my skin.
Soaking the rays of warmth that left my soul.
As I sit alone with the cup on my hand.
Bitterly flicking away ashes
Forcing it to be the yesterdays.
But to no avail.
Something will always be missing
Always today and for the next days to come...
Life will never be the same.

/** the things you think about when drinking coffee, my addiction for Starbucks has piled to a whopping 5 planners over the holiday season, having all the baristas know me, and mixing me special drinks...but still, I will always long for my favorite coffee partner...**/

Thoughts at 4:07

/** Sometimes, you just can't hold it in anymore. And a jumble of thoughts squeezes your brain too much information that you burst in emotion (funny how someone who is heartless can still feel the most wretched pains **/


confused
ambivalient
longing
to be wanted.
Hated to be hated on
Cheated to be cheated on.
Overdosing caffeine like drugs of happiness.
Inhaling smoke of iced green apples like the ganja of desire
Writing short little snippets of poetry
on yellow post-its.
My life as it is,
is a half-crazed,
mind-numbing
disaster point
of criss-crosses
and haphazardous entry ways where each road you take
will lead to uncertain signs of death

Poetry, ho.

It was to my greatest surprise I can still string words like a true emo kid. I thought I lost that power ever since my life was already filled with cloud-nine happiness that I could never even begin to describe how wonderful and how perfect my other life can be.

Shame I have lost that part of me. Hence, the whole of who I was is a thing of the past. Soul was ebbed away, heart was given wholly to someone else. So now, I am a heartless piece of crap. Or to say it nicely a meaningless shell that continue to live in existence.

But still I have the gift to write. Which I will share to the cruel pathetic world.