Th

Hope brings forth yet again,
another pain, another misery.
Why do I succumb to love
so early
It awaits me like a knife
words that tumbled from my mouth
The abundance of my heart
loving, living, eager, urgent
and yet brings forth unnecessary slices
of heartache.
days counted towards 13.
whilst you go on doing what you have to
I continued holding back
not wanting to
remember that day I said
....

Just because

What could be more evil than hate?
The green monster's eyes of jealousy await,
Rage and burn with pure distaste,
Bind and hold without escape.

Even if you try
Even if you cry
Nothing will ever stay alive.
As the powers of envy lock you inside,

you will wither,
you will die.

/** found this old, old, poem from my livejournal. */

one-sided

i think of you and i smile,
during the cold and lonely weekends,
if you can see how much my heart bursts
in anticipation of something thoughtfully surprising
like a visit out of the blue
or a couple of flowers from you
is enough to set a beam of summer sun
into the cold solitary days
but as I listen to sister hazel on repeat
all i could think was how alone i was
when my heart cries out for you
you just let me be
when i long for you in the dark nights
i just wish for a dream that you're there
and when i go off just to be within your radius,
you never knew.
sometimes i just watch over you,
while you do your own thing
and all i want cannot be.
all i have isn't mine
and all my dreams are never true.
what's a love if it's not for two?
when whom i wish doesn't live up to par
so i just keep loving you from afar.
when you don't have to hear my heart break
as I nurse my battered beaten heart that aches
in tremendous waves.
and so i think of you again.
with half a smile and half eyes full of tears
i keep waiting for you.
wishing as the song writes
where you overwhelm me,
as you whisper in my ear you're here
and sneak into my room.
I'll keep dreaming...
I'll keep dreaming of you...

/* one sided love is hard to bear, while you already poured everything into one person, and when they don't love you back, how sad it is, but you keep trying anyway, trying until you can't try anymore... crying until all the pain runs outs and believing until there's nothing to believe. */

wala lang

spiked with fire
cool as ice
trembled in fury
malevolent being
growing from the ashes

anger by gaze
hatred unfazed
until the emotions
gathered and blew
to nothingness

until the eyes are dead
soul had given up
on the possibilities
and just looked

at the horizon
and see blank
empty spaces.

Noticably there

To be truly happy, I cannot
For I live in fear,
of the Irony Gods
I cannot promise myself
Or let myself think
of an eternal bond of peace
Since I am residing in a field of chaos
An internal war of me, myself and my alter ego
who seems to be more than ever welcome
seeping through the cracks and crevices
unseen but noticably there


/** hindi na ako marunong kung paano maging talagang masaya... dahil alam ko may magsisira't magsisira noon..*/

idle afternoon

smell of acetone
brushed off polished toes
lingered on the soles of my fingers
music danced around the ears
melancholy rage,
beauty and pain
seared through the heart of sadness
that whispered malice velvet darkness
crystal clear waters
drop to an endless river.
eyes dimmed out, unbright
a candle lost its light
far beyond, a soul exhales its last breath
to reach with open arms, the hands of death

i chose to love you in silence

For within silence,
I can blindly grope at nothing.
Ignore the storm raged of suffering
The tinny hail of sadness
In the deadly hours, I can close my eyes
and stare into a reverie of delusions
that is a reality.
And never will you see
that each time I reawaken myself from the blindness,
the light that glistens
to the fallen tears that cry.